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A Guide to UK.
(a vocabulary for the beginners)


Applause : The custom of showing one's pleasure at beautiful music by immediately following it with ugly noise.
Beauty: What a woman has when she looks the same after washing her face.
Britain: A society where the ruling class doesn't rule,the working class doesn't work,and the middle class isn't in the middle.
British Education: The best in the world-if you can survive it.
Cambridge: The romantic dream of those who never went there.
Charm: The ability to get the answer yes without having asked the question.
City: Millions of people being lonely together.
Coffee: What in England tastes like a chemical experiment ( Agatha Christie)
Coin: Something that's useful for getting the wrong number in a telephone box.
Diamonds: The only type of ice that makes a woman feel warm (Liz Taylor)
Dutch: Not so much a language as a disease of the throat ( Mark Twain)
Education: What remains after we have forgotten everything we have been taught. Something that demonstrates to you how little other people know.
Etiquette: The art of making company feel at home...when you wish there were.
Experience: The name everyone gives to their mistakes.
Fashion: What is made to become unfashionable.
First love: A little love,and a lot of curiosity.
Fishing: An excuse to drink in the daytime.
Flatterer: Someone who says things to your face that he wouldn't dare say behind your back.
Flirtation: Attention without intention.
Friend: Someone who sticks by you even when he gets to know you real well.
Friendship: Love without wings ( Lord Byron)
Garden: A thing of beauty and a job for ever.
Gentleman: A patient wolf. Somebody who need not necessarily know Latin,but he should at least have forgotten it.
God: Somebody who doesn't belong to any religion.
Good listener: A good talker with a sore throat.
Gossip: The art of saying nothing in a way that leaves
practically nothing left unsaid. When you hear something you like about someone you don't.
Happiness: An interval between periods of unhappiness.
Heaven: An English policeman,a French cook,a German engineer,an Italian lover-and everything organised by the Swiss.
Hell:An English cook,a French engineer,a German policeman,A Swiss lover-and everything organised by the Italians.
Home: The girl's prison and the woman's workhouse.
Honesty: The best policy-unless you happen to be an exceptionally good liar.
Housework: Something you do that nobody notices until you don't do it.
Husband: Somebody who's chiefly a good lover when he
is betraying his wife (Marilyn Monroe)
Ireland: A country full of genius but with absolutely
no talent. The only country in the world where you can get drunk
and not wake up the next morning with a guilty conscience.
The Irish: A race of people who don't know what they want and are prepared to fight to the death to get it. A fair people-they never speak well of each other.
Lady: A woman who makes a man act like a gentleman.
Life: Much too important a thing ever to talk seriously about it.
London: A splendid place to live...for those who can get out of it.
Chaos incorporated.
Love: The wisdom of the fool and the folly of the wise.
Make-up: What it takes to look natural.
Man: Nature's sole mistake. The only animal that blushes-or needs to (Mark Twain)
Marriage: The first step towards divorce. A book in which the first chapter is written in poetry and the rest in prose. A lottery-but you can't tear up the ticket if you lose.
Mind: A woman's most erogenous zone.
Mistress:Something that comes between the master and the mattress.
Myths:Gossip grown old.
Old Age: A lot of crossed-off names in an address book.
Oratory: The art of making a loud noise like a deep thought.
Paris: Where good Americans go to when they die.
Patriotism: The conviction that your country is superior to all others because you were born in it.
Pauses: The most precious things in speeches.
Pessimist: A man who looks both ways before crossing a one-way street.
Politeness: Not speaking evil of people with whom you have just dined until you are at least a hundred yards from their house.
Public Relations: Organised lying.
Quietness: A conversation with an Englishman.
Rain: Something that,when you carry an umbrella, it doesn't.
Research: What I am doing when I don't know what I am doing.
The Romans: A race of people who would never have found the time to conquer the world if they had first been obliged to learn Latin.
Scientist: Peeping Tom at the keyhole of eternity.
Sex: What is allowed in Scotland only when Rangers beat Celtic.
The only game that becomes less interesting when
played for money. The most fun you can have without laughing ( Woody

Sleep: An excellent way of listening to an opera.
Speech: An invention of man's to keep him from thinking.
Supermarket: A place where you can find anything-except your children.
Swearing: Something invented as a compromise between running away and fighting.
Thirty: A nice age for a woman-especially if she happens to be forty.
Wedding: A funeral where you can smell your own flowers.
Woman: God's second mistake. A diet waiting to happen.
A thing of beauty and an expense forever.
People who give themselves to God when the devil wants
nothing to do with them.


© Alina 2001
Monday, January 12, 2004 13:13


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